The latest edition of 'Democracy for The End Times', lands on the desk of the British Prime Minister. "Are you a PUSSY LICKING DRUGKING, or PROGRESSIVE LOVING DATER?"
The PM smirks, and licks his lips. He hadn't tasted the good stuff in quite a while. And with all those paparazites outside, it might be a while before he would again. As for the other stuff, his young fillies were doing rather well. Jeni even beat the bookies with a 100 yards to spare at the Goodgrove races
He looks down his to-do list and maniacally mutters. "Scuppering Parliament, check. Drowning the Speaker in a grab the apple contest, in progress. Hanging out promises of a better tomorrow without jam today, that's our mantra. In the record books, even as the shortest serving PM since 1827, by Jove still on track!"
As financial, social, and international storm clouds gather in growing intensity, the asymmetric flapping wings of destiny ferociously beat towards an approaching darkening maw.
Showing posts with label parliament. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parliament. Show all posts
Wednesday, 11 September 2019
Monday, 9 September 2019
Lounge of green borders
Ah good evening.
It is Tuesday.
Have a care.
Our army of beetles, spiders and exploding ants,
Vicious vipers, poisonous pythons and bristling badgers,
Are all ready to defend the borders of my fine realm!
Now leave me in peace.
Let me lounge.
It is Tuesday.
Have a care.
Our army of beetles, spiders and exploding ants,
Vicious vipers, poisonous pythons and bristling badgers,
Are all ready to defend the borders of my fine realm!
Now leave me in peace.
Let me lounge.
Friday, 23 November 2018
Tuesday, 5 January 2016
Productive serf
It's no wonder there are more us feeling just that little bit cranky nowadays. You could almost say we’re looking a bit frazzled around the edges, and weather worn from the slow drip of increasing stress, as the hours glibly fly by.
We’re less than a week into the new year, and already people feel as though their heads are going to explode from the sheer stream of utter bs, streaming in from all directions.
Oh, where to start… Let’s see, tfl, neighbours, letwin, putin, daesh, trump, buses, parliament, presidential campaigns, floods, climate change… Parliament!
Politicians say the modern day serfs are not been productive enough. That they can only expect a pay rise, or improved living conditions, if they work harder. Much harder damn them. We want to see blood pouring from those fingernails, and watch as those layabouts gnash their teeth under another 70 years of hard blue labour!
Now before you nod your head savagely, in sage agreement with them, remember that this will be the same politicians who take even more holidays than teachers. Indeed through dint of elbow grease, or silver spoon, they are the best of the citizenry that's floated to the top, and as such 98% of them shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the reigns of power.
But in their role of representing all those other lazybones - who claim they have better things to do such as foraging around in foodbanks, pretending to be poor by wearing less than their sunday finest, or waiting for a letter telling them how many months they’ll be sanctioned and receive no money for, for failing to receive a letter that should have been sent by the dwps’ 100% efficient machinery, via the department which doesn’t understand the concept that the species hasn’t yet mastered the art of mind reading. Those saintly souls, during the helter-skelter ricochets of 2015s ongoing turbo-charged austerity, had their basic pay packet increased by 10%, or roughly £7k to £74k. That’s only the basic. On top of that they could get anywhere from £13k to £74k extra, dependent on what other post, or job they managed to parachute themselves into, during their hallowed paneled-hall tenure.
Don’t worry, i’m nearly past this bit. If this is proving a bit much, here’s a cat video you can watch, it even includes toilet paper.
The 10% increase, plus extra, was just the first and second fiscal posts for the job of serving the people. Going to the third post are the various expenses that can be claimed, plus subsidised canteens, 24 hour booze dens, pensions, and as we’ve seen from those arch crypto-commie-socialists: brown and darling (plus all the others in the past) the final post of a nice cushy directorship at the end of the line - should you end up pleasing your masters, or a speaking tour where you can charge £15k to tell them just how you got away with it, thanks to the majority lemmings having not a clue.
But this 10% salary increase was made by the independent parliamentary standards authority (ipsa), with the promise that further pay increases will be clipped to the level that mp’s constituents have to face; naturally it fails to say (that i could see in my skiving skimming) whether that’s the average, middle, lower, or upper levels of said mp’s constituents.
Who makes up the board of the ipsa? After all, according to their blurb…
I digress.
Of course this 10% inflation busting pay rise eventually followed on from the expenses scandals which peaked in 2009, which were so mouthwateringly audacious, that even ducks would paddle around their moats with a wing held over their heads in shame, at such unfortunate an association. The fact mp’s managed to surpass that peak five years later, is a topic to be mulled over during a different bout of shirking.
The modus operandi we proles, we vast swathes of the bone idle, we feckless grommets, we lazy everyday shirking layabouts have failed to grasp, is that such prized fiscal remuneration would be within grasp of our nettle, if we weren’t so roundly and utterly damned unproductive.
We’re so unproductive that we deserve the austerity brought down upon our necks by the banks imploding and then been dutifully bailed out by the government. Who then found themselves with no other option but to cut public services, and freeze people's benefits due to the sheer cost of having to magic the money out of the air, to bail out the banks, to then go back to the banks to obtain loans with wedges of interest attached; which with hindsight firmly under wing, some might say such politicians had acted appropriately, if the aim was to ensure their future pay-masters needs were properly serviced.
But you, you shirking non-productive unit! You have to work longer hours, harder, and have less benefits, and oh yes, work until you're 90. That will teach you to be so lax in your productivity.
So just in case we've forgotten, ongoing austerity is all our fault. We’re all in austerity together. That's all of us earning less than £74k per year. You might for one moment think that you really can't work any harder, nor faster, and at the rate you're going your body will fall to bits due to the shear levels of stress – but this is only the working environment we’re considering, you can re-allocate time from your leisure, home environments and any other duties which obviously can’t be as important to the servicing of this need.
No you can’t? Well that’s tough. Atos the previous gestapo glove (as viewed by many) of the government's dwp arm is firmly out of the way, and replaced with maximus, another globalised (how many units can we move) company, poised at the ready to sign you back as “fit to work!”. A quick look at their history, might make you wonder which path all of this will lead down. I predict, not the happy one - especially as they’re still implementing the same tests that atos had to, as those are the tests mandated by the government. Or put another way, it’s the same burnt disgusting gravy, just served by a different, more exotic waiter.
When it comes to these tests, you can hide in the casket you were buried in, or have your ashes thrown to the four winds; they'd only send someone around the globe to find all your ashes, pop them back into the urn, take the urn to an examination room and give it a stern telling off, before applying sanctions (so you can only blow to three corners and not four) for been tardy in your approach to gainful employment.
Fuck the machines, and the robots, and the artificial intelligences coming increasingly on stream. You will have to up your productivity to compete, either with some poor five year old from malawi that's been forced to work for 20 hours a day, 364 days a year and drops dead when he’s aged seven, or the machines working every hour of every day until they rust to bits and reach that great bender in the sky. That is the sort of productivity they want from you, and even if you were capable of providing it, they still wouldn't be happy, as it would never be enough.
However societies, the modern ones, where on balance the more intelligent people outweigh the dim ones, are rapidly zooming to a point where their toasters are going to be smarter, and more intelligent than their politicians - let alone the people using the toasters. Pop into that mix the revolution of quantum computers running at a gazillion flippers every second and all just melding together to become the true masters of the planet. Then in 20 years, if we are all connected via our quantum watches and every decision can be voted on instantly, without the spin, the hype, the lies nor mistruths, what will we actually need politicians and parliaments for?
We’re less than a week into the new year, and already people feel as though their heads are going to explode from the sheer stream of utter bs, streaming in from all directions.
Oh, where to start… Let’s see, tfl, neighbours, letwin, putin, daesh, trump, buses, parliament, presidential campaigns, floods, climate change… Parliament!
Politicians say the modern day serfs are not been productive enough. That they can only expect a pay rise, or improved living conditions, if they work harder. Much harder damn them. We want to see blood pouring from those fingernails, and watch as those layabouts gnash their teeth under another 70 years of hard blue labour!
Now before you nod your head savagely, in sage agreement with them, remember that this will be the same politicians who take even more holidays than teachers. Indeed through dint of elbow grease, or silver spoon, they are the best of the citizenry that's floated to the top, and as such 98% of them shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the reigns of power.
But in their role of representing all those other lazybones - who claim they have better things to do such as foraging around in foodbanks, pretending to be poor by wearing less than their sunday finest, or waiting for a letter telling them how many months they’ll be sanctioned and receive no money for, for failing to receive a letter that should have been sent by the dwps’ 100% efficient machinery, via the department which doesn’t understand the concept that the species hasn’t yet mastered the art of mind reading. Those saintly souls, during the helter-skelter ricochets of 2015s ongoing turbo-charged austerity, had their basic pay packet increased by 10%, or roughly £7k to £74k. That’s only the basic. On top of that they could get anywhere from £13k to £74k extra, dependent on what other post, or job they managed to parachute themselves into, during their hallowed paneled-hall tenure.
Don’t worry, i’m nearly past this bit. If this is proving a bit much, here’s a cat video you can watch, it even includes toilet paper.
The 10% increase, plus extra, was just the first and second fiscal posts for the job of serving the people. Going to the third post are the various expenses that can be claimed, plus subsidised canteens, 24 hour booze dens, pensions, and as we’ve seen from those arch crypto-commie-socialists: brown and darling (plus all the others in the past) the final post of a nice cushy directorship at the end of the line - should you end up pleasing your masters, or a speaking tour where you can charge £15k to tell them just how you got away with it, thanks to the majority lemmings having not a clue.
But this 10% salary increase was made by the independent parliamentary standards authority (ipsa), with the promise that further pay increases will be clipped to the level that mp’s constituents have to face; naturally it fails to say (that i could see in my skiving skimming) whether that’s the average, middle, lower, or upper levels of said mp’s constituents.
Who makes up the board of the ipsa? After all, according to their blurb…
“IPSA is independent of parliament, government and of political parties. In everything we do, we focus on our main duty; to serve the interests of the public”Well, it’s made up of an ex-mp, a sir, ex-civil servants, an ex-audit company member and so on. Hardly your local reformed gang member, nor checkout assistant from your local sainsbury's; whom would be a true boost to the claim of independence, and could truly be said to have served the interests of the public - however poorly.
I digress.
Of course this 10% inflation busting pay rise eventually followed on from the expenses scandals which peaked in 2009, which were so mouthwateringly audacious, that even ducks would paddle around their moats with a wing held over their heads in shame, at such unfortunate an association. The fact mp’s managed to surpass that peak five years later, is a topic to be mulled over during a different bout of shirking.
The modus operandi we proles, we vast swathes of the bone idle, we feckless grommets, we lazy everyday shirking layabouts have failed to grasp, is that such prized fiscal remuneration would be within grasp of our nettle, if we weren’t so roundly and utterly damned unproductive.
We’re so unproductive that we deserve the austerity brought down upon our necks by the banks imploding and then been dutifully bailed out by the government. Who then found themselves with no other option but to cut public services, and freeze people's benefits due to the sheer cost of having to magic the money out of the air, to bail out the banks, to then go back to the banks to obtain loans with wedges of interest attached; which with hindsight firmly under wing, some might say such politicians had acted appropriately, if the aim was to ensure their future pay-masters needs were properly serviced.
But you, you shirking non-productive unit! You have to work longer hours, harder, and have less benefits, and oh yes, work until you're 90. That will teach you to be so lax in your productivity.
So just in case we've forgotten, ongoing austerity is all our fault. We’re all in austerity together. That's all of us earning less than £74k per year. You might for one moment think that you really can't work any harder, nor faster, and at the rate you're going your body will fall to bits due to the shear levels of stress – but this is only the working environment we’re considering, you can re-allocate time from your leisure, home environments and any other duties which obviously can’t be as important to the servicing of this need.
No you can’t? Well that’s tough. Atos the previous gestapo glove (as viewed by many) of the government's dwp arm is firmly out of the way, and replaced with maximus, another globalised (how many units can we move) company, poised at the ready to sign you back as “fit to work!”. A quick look at their history, might make you wonder which path all of this will lead down. I predict, not the happy one - especially as they’re still implementing the same tests that atos had to, as those are the tests mandated by the government. Or put another way, it’s the same burnt disgusting gravy, just served by a different, more exotic waiter.
When it comes to these tests, you can hide in the casket you were buried in, or have your ashes thrown to the four winds; they'd only send someone around the globe to find all your ashes, pop them back into the urn, take the urn to an examination room and give it a stern telling off, before applying sanctions (so you can only blow to three corners and not four) for been tardy in your approach to gainful employment.
Fuck the machines, and the robots, and the artificial intelligences coming increasingly on stream. You will have to up your productivity to compete, either with some poor five year old from malawi that's been forced to work for 20 hours a day, 364 days a year and drops dead when he’s aged seven, or the machines working every hour of every day until they rust to bits and reach that great bender in the sky. That is the sort of productivity they want from you, and even if you were capable of providing it, they still wouldn't be happy, as it would never be enough.
However societies, the modern ones, where on balance the more intelligent people outweigh the dim ones, are rapidly zooming to a point where their toasters are going to be smarter, and more intelligent than their politicians - let alone the people using the toasters. Pop into that mix the revolution of quantum computers running at a gazillion flippers every second and all just melding together to become the true masters of the planet. Then in 20 years, if we are all connected via our quantum watches and every decision can be voted on instantly, without the spin, the hype, the lies nor mistruths, what will we actually need politicians and parliaments for?
Saturday, 20 October 2012
Rapturing ennui
I
was suffering from bouts of repetitive strain ennui, as rounds of happy
chatter collided with layers of guff, utter drivel, and a misplaced
tourniquet which seriously interfered with my normal mode of
ill-concealed yet charitable peevishness.
It’s been a while.
After spending the last few weeks (following the end of the olympics & paralympics) chomping down on one of my more tastier shoes -with the aid of a nice freshly-crushed black peppercorn sauce and a pair of sturdy utensils- i finally emerged from my self-imposed bubble of exile dazed by the absence of any flurry of news (led by a phalanx of chin-waggers) attacking transport for london’s massive and all too predictable cock-up. Startled, as the expected descent into barbarous levels of road-rage -by hordes of maddened ring-sick drivers- failed to materialise, and aghast that city-wide chaos -not seen since the great fire of london (or if we’re really pushing the boat of tenuous links out and over the waterfall) not seen since london’s burning 2011 -had been miraculously and even more amazingly, averted. I was shocked, deeply!
By itself, the above would have been more than enough to see me physically retching, as though I was a natural semi-comatose drunk with a proclivity towards sea-sickness, and trying to make a living (of sorts) onboard the marie celeste -each day wishing it would all simply end. But there was more. I found, and i’m not (well, only partially) ashamed to admit it, that I actually enjoyed bits of the olympics! It really doesn’t matter that my enjoyment of the celebrations manifested itself during the opening and closing ceremonies, the fact remains that i still enjoyed them, and all those who watched will never quite forget the sight of three letters effervescently emblazoned on retinas across the globe (before the current crop holding the mace have finished handing it over to their pals) for many a year.
My “tosh” calibration system, on the other hand, was so revolted by such foul a deed of treachery, it fell into a brief bout of dysfunctional catatonic insensibility, before retaliating with a one-two sucker staccato-punch followed by a barrage of mis-firing signals -causing the impairment of my convolution of broca. Either that, or i really should pay serious attention to the transient ischaemic attacks glacially working their way through the various sections of my splodgy matter.
That period of happiness reached an abrupt (albeit brief) end, by the never-failing charms of the nfh: whose activities and presence generally ensures neither peace nor calm. Except even they were less bangingly slamming and stampingly annoying! The noisy courtyard was like a graveyard, due in part to this years watery deluge, which also ensured the communal playground/park/beach (aka supposedly garden oasis) was lusciously green, burgeoning and for the time of year generally a joy to observe; a situation that lasted most of the summer and kept the “we’re-by-the-sea, we don’t see any neighbours?” brigade, more absent than usual. Buses, it has to be said, were 50/50 but not quite as annoying, despite being ever polluting and taking delight in 80+ decibel engine revving at five-thirty in the morning -due to the weather not being cold enough.
At least the stuff which helps keep my tiller of misfortune happily on-course and my blood pressure ragingly coursing, was eagerly regenerating dendrites by the bucket load, under the strain of continuously working out exactly how many sams or directed energy weapons (aka lasers), moats or 200 feet robots (with a bit more work) would be required to instill a blanket of dessicated fig-leaf peace, forecfully onto the surrounding area. All however was not lost, as chaos was partially salvaged by the noisy motorcyclists and boy racers, who mistakenly believe they’re part of a formula 1 racing team, or hunkering over a deranged belief they’re soon ready to participate in the rerun of the glory days of donnington -which is the same as me thinking i’ll ever amount to bottom feeder of a hack! Despite all of that, it just wasn’t enough.
In an attempt to regain those lost clouds of sodden doom and foreboding, I had to cast my eyes further abreast, and away from the stadiums of sport and enjoyment; where in mere moments there was so much information coursing past my eyeballs comprising: pure insanity, greed, stupidity and all-out bad egginess, i was happily chugging my sides whilst feeling streams of hot tears cascading down my burning cheeks.
My first port of call found me listening to coverage of the preparations for the november elections in the usa. Early voting had already started in this upcoming presidential one-to-one ding-dong; and in round one, to everyone’s surprise, romney won by a landslide; but this piece has taken so long to pop up, the second ding-dong’s already taken place, where the majority reasoning has presidential hopeful romney, losing the second round by a sliver -in an event more in keeping with the 'ya boo sucks to you' ding-dong of some uk parliamentary debates. Some might say he won by the utterances of partial truths, others would say they were mendacious outright lies. But hey, who cares! By time the voting electorate get around to properly focusing on the fact we’re having the hood winked over us, some other calamity will have come along to blow our focus of consciousness off-stream and onto matters far more pleasurable - krispy kremes brings out a brand new doughnut - first fifty million, free!
But with less than three weeks to go, despite most of the world really not caring about the race or which lobbyist-centered mascot controls the house, this could follow the last presidential turning point in history and be another turning point of history (yes i know, history’s full of points and turns) but with the senate currently controlled by the republicans, those outside of the usa’s shores (veering left of vlad the impaler) have watched and been aghast at how a group of people would so cavalierly allow so many others to remain trodden in the abyss of abject poverty, without a smidgen of a mote of compassion - home run for big business lobbyists -you've earned your bonus. In the actual states, and especially those with majority republican control, there’s been a hearty circling of the wagons and the donning of metaphorical beards, making sure the sack-cloths and ashes have been sufficiently rubbed and doused before been thrown over workers rights and set on fire: you know, those pesky little regulations which are there to make sure the vast majority of workers can at least earn some sort of wage, and they aren’t flogged ‘till they drop, or even (heavens forbid) that they receive a soupcon of a living wage, or their ability to strike should working conditions be so onerous and potentially dangerous as their employer's such a sociopath they need to take some kind of action are being serially removed, stamped on and scorched, leaving the faint whiff of cinders fluttering away in a gale of nothingness. And cinders in a prairie, gasping for rain, just doesn’t end up pretty.
Yes the past couple of years should have being a frightening wake up call to those who wish to see humanity amongst the stars (i know we’re already whizzing amongst stars, talking more about off-planet colonies carefully husbanding newly terraformed worlds) as to the scale of the pendulums swing-back currently taking place in many states of the usa, which is being eagerly watched for handy pointers by others of a similar disposition around many parts of the globe.
Of course those inhabiting the right of centre are simply giving voice to a highly vocal portion of their electorate who'd be happy building a wall between them and mexico, but they’d be even happier deporting anyone walking around with a tan darker than 2 days. And if they’re really lucky, they’d get to stand on the side of the quay, giving the newly departed a cheery wave-off proffering a thimbleful-full of glee.
There are glimmers that those (the none wackadoo, barmy, fluttering around their own treetops wing) who don’t share the ultra-rights point of views are waking up to the potential of having a brand of theocracy installed via the backdoor into the white-house. Think a paler version of iranian theocracy, but unlike iran they’d have thousands of wmds at their disposal and who knows, a nuke or two might all of a sudden meet with a horribly shocking accident heralding a need for marshall law with jobs jobs jobs as long as you sign your vagina to the state.
Naturally that leads me to the role of religion, and with so many venomous snakes in that particular briar patch, i’m not sure about you, but it does give me pause to wonder whether they’re looking into a mirror when they proclaim that vast swathes of the globe are spawns of satan’s seed, that will burn in hell on judgement day where they i.e., you, obviously belong! Or they’ve simply had their very own overwhelming bouts of ischemic attacks and simply failed to obtain a proper diagnosis.
Ahem.
Hopefully there are hundreds of thousands if not millions of other similar-minded souls around the world, who have a curious inability to view this ever-watching overlord and ever-at the ready but evil adversary, as anything other than the hopes fears and needs of a growing species, and subjected put-upon peoples; hapless and helpless before the swings and arrows of outrageous fortune, aiming to make sense of a spinning world of mud, making coincidences more meaningful than the stray wobbles of whizzing stuff, gathering with other stuff to create something, which is just so much stuff, that they more than likely, probably are. If, however, people feel the need to follow in the footsteps of some of the beings who apparently occupy the better part of humanity’s spectrum then i hope those people are wandering around in cheap clothing, sleeping with prostitutes and wiping their feet, and giving waifs, strays and members of the said oldest profession the odd bit of food they’ve taken from their very own prepared plates. And if they want to publicly profess their beliefs in, lets say the water-walker, then they should happily allow others who also wish to publicly profess such attachments allow them to stick a spear (or three) into them, just as a basic start.
Somehow i doubt we’d see the water-walker having the pick of 12 cars (worth millions) to drive around in, nor foxed to chose which mansion to luxuriously cavort around in, nor would we probably see him sporting the shiniest dapperest suits with this weeks favourite bit of fluffing-totty in tow, lofting it huge in a mighty cathedral that says more about how much money you’ve creamed than about good works or deeds. No, i don’t think we would see that at all; but then if he did carry on in todays world as he did then, he’d soon be locked up for his own good, certified, and drugged to the eyeballs. “All that crazy nonsense of turning water to wine. Pfft. And don’t forget to throw away the key!”
Which makes the pic ‘n mix nature of the current crop of theocratic firebrands just that little bit perverse, as over the past few decades it appears something’s been lost in translation and they’ve forgotten whole swathes of sins or conveniently re-weighted them, so now if you listen to most of the firebrands, the things that will bring about the end of everything, is either abortion or the gays; leading us all to our doom but don’t forget, keep on giving.
Fundamentalists of the christian world (either ignorant or utterly uncaring of their own pure brand of religious sociopathy) are once more jumping on their twin hobby horses of homophobia and abortion. Blaming the former for every natural disaster going, and denigrating or killing anyone else who disagrees with them on the latter.
Of course the previous paragraphs could be considered naught but a dreadful stereotype, but despite the increase in information, data, and means of accessing, we collectively appear to throw our hands in the air and say “it’s all too much”, allowing ourselves to be herded by whichever explosive flare is set off just in-front of our eyeballs.
If we suspend our disbelief (pretend you’re watching cameron’s avatar in a fully immersive holographic cinema) and you consider that the omnipresent entity made everything you see or haven’t seen (by the way, have you seen the wonderful spectacular images coming from the telescopes in space?), why would a being who created all of that, then devote the next x amount of years pulling his/her/its hair out and getting steamingly broiled, because some hut/stone/bronze/nuclear-age ignorants are incapable of obeying orders or doing the right thing? I suppose in size terms (although it’s difficult to measure the universe we do know let alone the bits of the universe we haven’t yet observed) it might be akin to a star the size of the observable universe knowing and caring about the plight of a grain of sand stuck somewhere in your nether regions after a particularly vigorous swim.
But someone please remind me why one religion is any more valid than another? Why is islam more valid than christianity, or judaism, or buddhism, or hinduism, or zeusism, aphroditism, or the heady bank of mammonesque greed - which appears to have gained in popularity with the increasing value of nothing? In the scheme of things, or the age of the planet, we homosapiens have the life span of fruit-flies and with historic loops ever repeating, memories just as long.
A few hundred years ago, the inquisition brought a chill to the european lands, unless you happened to be on the side doing the decrying and popping a burning faggot onto dry kindling. Other such niceties, such as disembowelling, dunking, and flaying alive were the prescribed order of the day, to help you recant the error of your ways and help you understand what it was you needed to understand -for the benefit you understand of your immortal soul and society. Today, that role seems to be played by the fundamentalists of the islamic world: be-headings, bombings, chopping off of a hand here and killing anyone they can get their hands if you don’t live in a way and manner that they deem strict enough or fit; and, as fundamentalists in america use the law (through the dereliction of so many non-voters) to bring women’s rights over their own bodies screaming towards a point extremists elsewhere would nod approvingly at, we can truly see just how detached those men (as it seems the overwhelming majority -from footage anyway- parroting such views are indeed men) in realising just how increasingly insignificant their ways are for the progress of the species.
If at any stage you believed in shreds of human good and decency, then assuage those silly notions by pouring a cauldron of burning bubbling pitch all over them; and don’t for one minute doubt, that if a group of truly crazed fundamentalists (of whatever creed or hue) managed to procure fissile material, they wouldn’t use it the instant they fully knew how (give or take a month or two), whilst smiling sunbeams from vidscreens as the world goes up in flames, a blue marble transfigured into a radioactive glassy hell hole, all the while singing “we’ve achieved the rapture!”
It’s been a while.
After spending the last few weeks (following the end of the olympics & paralympics) chomping down on one of my more tastier shoes -with the aid of a nice freshly-crushed black peppercorn sauce and a pair of sturdy utensils- i finally emerged from my self-imposed bubble of exile dazed by the absence of any flurry of news (led by a phalanx of chin-waggers) attacking transport for london’s massive and all too predictable cock-up. Startled, as the expected descent into barbarous levels of road-rage -by hordes of maddened ring-sick drivers- failed to materialise, and aghast that city-wide chaos -not seen since the great fire of london (or if we’re really pushing the boat of tenuous links out and over the waterfall) not seen since london’s burning 2011 -had been miraculously and even more amazingly, averted. I was shocked, deeply!
By itself, the above would have been more than enough to see me physically retching, as though I was a natural semi-comatose drunk with a proclivity towards sea-sickness, and trying to make a living (of sorts) onboard the marie celeste -each day wishing it would all simply end. But there was more. I found, and i’m not (well, only partially) ashamed to admit it, that I actually enjoyed bits of the olympics! It really doesn’t matter that my enjoyment of the celebrations manifested itself during the opening and closing ceremonies, the fact remains that i still enjoyed them, and all those who watched will never quite forget the sight of three letters effervescently emblazoned on retinas across the globe (before the current crop holding the mace have finished handing it over to their pals) for many a year.
My “tosh” calibration system, on the other hand, was so revolted by such foul a deed of treachery, it fell into a brief bout of dysfunctional catatonic insensibility, before retaliating with a one-two sucker staccato-punch followed by a barrage of mis-firing signals -causing the impairment of my convolution of broca. Either that, or i really should pay serious attention to the transient ischaemic attacks glacially working their way through the various sections of my splodgy matter.
That period of happiness reached an abrupt (albeit brief) end, by the never-failing charms of the nfh: whose activities and presence generally ensures neither peace nor calm. Except even they were less bangingly slamming and stampingly annoying! The noisy courtyard was like a graveyard, due in part to this years watery deluge, which also ensured the communal playground/park/beach (aka supposedly garden oasis) was lusciously green, burgeoning and for the time of year generally a joy to observe; a situation that lasted most of the summer and kept the “we’re-by-the-sea, we don’t see any neighbours?” brigade, more absent than usual. Buses, it has to be said, were 50/50 but not quite as annoying, despite being ever polluting and taking delight in 80+ decibel engine revving at five-thirty in the morning -due to the weather not being cold enough.
At least the stuff which helps keep my tiller of misfortune happily on-course and my blood pressure ragingly coursing, was eagerly regenerating dendrites by the bucket load, under the strain of continuously working out exactly how many sams or directed energy weapons (aka lasers), moats or 200 feet robots (with a bit more work) would be required to instill a blanket of dessicated fig-leaf peace, forecfully onto the surrounding area. All however was not lost, as chaos was partially salvaged by the noisy motorcyclists and boy racers, who mistakenly believe they’re part of a formula 1 racing team, or hunkering over a deranged belief they’re soon ready to participate in the rerun of the glory days of donnington -which is the same as me thinking i’ll ever amount to bottom feeder of a hack! Despite all of that, it just wasn’t enough.
In an attempt to regain those lost clouds of sodden doom and foreboding, I had to cast my eyes further abreast, and away from the stadiums of sport and enjoyment; where in mere moments there was so much information coursing past my eyeballs comprising: pure insanity, greed, stupidity and all-out bad egginess, i was happily chugging my sides whilst feeling streams of hot tears cascading down my burning cheeks.
My first port of call found me listening to coverage of the preparations for the november elections in the usa. Early voting had already started in this upcoming presidential one-to-one ding-dong; and in round one, to everyone’s surprise, romney won by a landslide; but this piece has taken so long to pop up, the second ding-dong’s already taken place, where the majority reasoning has presidential hopeful romney, losing the second round by a sliver -in an event more in keeping with the 'ya boo sucks to you' ding-dong of some uk parliamentary debates. Some might say he won by the utterances of partial truths, others would say they were mendacious outright lies. But hey, who cares! By time the voting electorate get around to properly focusing on the fact we’re having the hood winked over us, some other calamity will have come along to blow our focus of consciousness off-stream and onto matters far more pleasurable - krispy kremes brings out a brand new doughnut - first fifty million, free!
But with less than three weeks to go, despite most of the world really not caring about the race or which lobbyist-centered mascot controls the house, this could follow the last presidential turning point in history and be another turning point of history (yes i know, history’s full of points and turns) but with the senate currently controlled by the republicans, those outside of the usa’s shores (veering left of vlad the impaler) have watched and been aghast at how a group of people would so cavalierly allow so many others to remain trodden in the abyss of abject poverty, without a smidgen of a mote of compassion - home run for big business lobbyists -you've earned your bonus. In the actual states, and especially those with majority republican control, there’s been a hearty circling of the wagons and the donning of metaphorical beards, making sure the sack-cloths and ashes have been sufficiently rubbed and doused before been thrown over workers rights and set on fire: you know, those pesky little regulations which are there to make sure the vast majority of workers can at least earn some sort of wage, and they aren’t flogged ‘till they drop, or even (heavens forbid) that they receive a soupcon of a living wage, or their ability to strike should working conditions be so onerous and potentially dangerous as their employer's such a sociopath they need to take some kind of action are being serially removed, stamped on and scorched, leaving the faint whiff of cinders fluttering away in a gale of nothingness. And cinders in a prairie, gasping for rain, just doesn’t end up pretty.
Yes the past couple of years should have being a frightening wake up call to those who wish to see humanity amongst the stars (i know we’re already whizzing amongst stars, talking more about off-planet colonies carefully husbanding newly terraformed worlds) as to the scale of the pendulums swing-back currently taking place in many states of the usa, which is being eagerly watched for handy pointers by others of a similar disposition around many parts of the globe.
Of course those inhabiting the right of centre are simply giving voice to a highly vocal portion of their electorate who'd be happy building a wall between them and mexico, but they’d be even happier deporting anyone walking around with a tan darker than 2 days. And if they’re really lucky, they’d get to stand on the side of the quay, giving the newly departed a cheery wave-off proffering a thimbleful-full of glee.
There are glimmers that those (the none wackadoo, barmy, fluttering around their own treetops wing) who don’t share the ultra-rights point of views are waking up to the potential of having a brand of theocracy installed via the backdoor into the white-house. Think a paler version of iranian theocracy, but unlike iran they’d have thousands of wmds at their disposal and who knows, a nuke or two might all of a sudden meet with a horribly shocking accident heralding a need for marshall law with jobs jobs jobs as long as you sign your vagina to the state.
Naturally that leads me to the role of religion, and with so many venomous snakes in that particular briar patch, i’m not sure about you, but it does give me pause to wonder whether they’re looking into a mirror when they proclaim that vast swathes of the globe are spawns of satan’s seed, that will burn in hell on judgement day where they i.e., you, obviously belong! Or they’ve simply had their very own overwhelming bouts of ischemic attacks and simply failed to obtain a proper diagnosis.
Ahem.
Hopefully there are hundreds of thousands if not millions of other similar-minded souls around the world, who have a curious inability to view this ever-watching overlord and ever-at the ready but evil adversary, as anything other than the hopes fears and needs of a growing species, and subjected put-upon peoples; hapless and helpless before the swings and arrows of outrageous fortune, aiming to make sense of a spinning world of mud, making coincidences more meaningful than the stray wobbles of whizzing stuff, gathering with other stuff to create something, which is just so much stuff, that they more than likely, probably are. If, however, people feel the need to follow in the footsteps of some of the beings who apparently occupy the better part of humanity’s spectrum then i hope those people are wandering around in cheap clothing, sleeping with prostitutes and wiping their feet, and giving waifs, strays and members of the said oldest profession the odd bit of food they’ve taken from their very own prepared plates. And if they want to publicly profess their beliefs in, lets say the water-walker, then they should happily allow others who also wish to publicly profess such attachments allow them to stick a spear (or three) into them, just as a basic start.
Somehow i doubt we’d see the water-walker having the pick of 12 cars (worth millions) to drive around in, nor foxed to chose which mansion to luxuriously cavort around in, nor would we probably see him sporting the shiniest dapperest suits with this weeks favourite bit of fluffing-totty in tow, lofting it huge in a mighty cathedral that says more about how much money you’ve creamed than about good works or deeds. No, i don’t think we would see that at all; but then if he did carry on in todays world as he did then, he’d soon be locked up for his own good, certified, and drugged to the eyeballs. “All that crazy nonsense of turning water to wine. Pfft. And don’t forget to throw away the key!”
Which makes the pic ‘n mix nature of the current crop of theocratic firebrands just that little bit perverse, as over the past few decades it appears something’s been lost in translation and they’ve forgotten whole swathes of sins or conveniently re-weighted them, so now if you listen to most of the firebrands, the things that will bring about the end of everything, is either abortion or the gays; leading us all to our doom but don’t forget, keep on giving.
Fundamentalists of the christian world (either ignorant or utterly uncaring of their own pure brand of religious sociopathy) are once more jumping on their twin hobby horses of homophobia and abortion. Blaming the former for every natural disaster going, and denigrating or killing anyone else who disagrees with them on the latter.
Of course the previous paragraphs could be considered naught but a dreadful stereotype, but despite the increase in information, data, and means of accessing, we collectively appear to throw our hands in the air and say “it’s all too much”, allowing ourselves to be herded by whichever explosive flare is set off just in-front of our eyeballs.
If we suspend our disbelief (pretend you’re watching cameron’s avatar in a fully immersive holographic cinema) and you consider that the omnipresent entity made everything you see or haven’t seen (by the way, have you seen the wonderful spectacular images coming from the telescopes in space?), why would a being who created all of that, then devote the next x amount of years pulling his/her/its hair out and getting steamingly broiled, because some hut/stone/bronze/nuclear-age ignorants are incapable of obeying orders or doing the right thing? I suppose in size terms (although it’s difficult to measure the universe we do know let alone the bits of the universe we haven’t yet observed) it might be akin to a star the size of the observable universe knowing and caring about the plight of a grain of sand stuck somewhere in your nether regions after a particularly vigorous swim.
But someone please remind me why one religion is any more valid than another? Why is islam more valid than christianity, or judaism, or buddhism, or hinduism, or zeusism, aphroditism, or the heady bank of mammonesque greed - which appears to have gained in popularity with the increasing value of nothing? In the scheme of things, or the age of the planet, we homosapiens have the life span of fruit-flies and with historic loops ever repeating, memories just as long.
A few hundred years ago, the inquisition brought a chill to the european lands, unless you happened to be on the side doing the decrying and popping a burning faggot onto dry kindling. Other such niceties, such as disembowelling, dunking, and flaying alive were the prescribed order of the day, to help you recant the error of your ways and help you understand what it was you needed to understand -for the benefit you understand of your immortal soul and society. Today, that role seems to be played by the fundamentalists of the islamic world: be-headings, bombings, chopping off of a hand here and killing anyone they can get their hands if you don’t live in a way and manner that they deem strict enough or fit; and, as fundamentalists in america use the law (through the dereliction of so many non-voters) to bring women’s rights over their own bodies screaming towards a point extremists elsewhere would nod approvingly at, we can truly see just how detached those men (as it seems the overwhelming majority -from footage anyway- parroting such views are indeed men) in realising just how increasingly insignificant their ways are for the progress of the species.
If at any stage you believed in shreds of human good and decency, then assuage those silly notions by pouring a cauldron of burning bubbling pitch all over them; and don’t for one minute doubt, that if a group of truly crazed fundamentalists (of whatever creed or hue) managed to procure fissile material, they wouldn’t use it the instant they fully knew how (give or take a month or two), whilst smiling sunbeams from vidscreens as the world goes up in flames, a blue marble transfigured into a radioactive glassy hell hole, all the while singing “we’ve achieved the rapture!”
Saturday, 12 November 2011
48 percenters
A forwarded link caused a disturbance in my morning ritual of something liquid and preferably coffee, which pointed to breaking (at the time) news of top-cat pay rises which briefly bubbled its way to the top of the uk info charts; before, and seemingly to the relief of many in the corridors of news, being prematurely replaced not even 24 hours later - and strangely to more trumpeting - by the uk coalition governments call to cut the benefits of those layabouts who would dare commit any act of heinous criminality. Acts such as thieving a bottle of water from lidl or getting caught trying to manhandle a tv (way too big for the smaller tearaways) off and down the road in a somewhat recognisable wheelchair. With legislative white papers being made ready for placement before the parliamentary rubber stamp, and soon if they are caught in any act that would add (or not) to their material benefit, as evidenced by many an armchair judge in front of their own legally brought and paid for tvs during the august 2011 riots, for the temerity of wishing to improve shoddy lives.
I mentioned this was the coalition governments idea, but it contained the hallmark fingerprints (and sticky ones to boot) of hailing from the cranium of ids - well that and he cawed loudly whilst saying so. A man who would, no doubt, if asked whether the poor should be jettisoned into space to pave the way for new exploration, i.e., researching longevity for the pantheon of infinitely more deserving - with all patents going to acme corp. - or whether the poor should be offered training so possibly improving their lot -, would plump for the former every time, whilst beating you over the head with his book*.
I know my mind's truly wondered, when i can imagine hearing "help, the poor" in a kind yet shrieking tone emanating from the head of the once party leader.
I know my mind's truly wondered, when i can imagine hearing "help, the poor" in a kind yet shrieking tone emanating from the head of the once party leader.
The amount of column inches or pixels per inch, foisted on the unmentionable sectors of society fostered the belief that the proportion of ne'er do well's who took part in the fracas would easily number 99%. Ahh, the gasp of disbelief was almost palpable, when it turned out (admittedly from only those caught and hauled before the beak) that a lowly third (33%, 1/3 or one-third) were actually claiming benefits. So, what about the other 2/3's who, after a brief spin in the headlights of newsoriety, fell off the press radar faster than an alcoholic vainly attempting to distract you whilst trying to neck your final pint?
More on them in a later post.
Before i leave this ids soupcon, it's best to clear up a few erroneous ideas. When it comes to equality, poverty and the poor, there's no one more qualified to putt that wayward department (the dwp) of profligacy to the sword. The only other person, whom i believe could be viewed as only slightly more qualified, has sadly departed. But i'm sure if genghis khan were still alive today, he'd be more than happy to have ids as his staunchly loyal deputy.
Suppose, for a moment, we assume the figures are correct and 33% of the naughty transgressors were in receipt of the basic jsa allowance instead of a prison stipend. This safety-net allowance ranges anywhere from £53.45p - for those single criminals under 25, to £67.50 for those hardened single knock-abouts who (no doubt) having spent their formative years submerged in grubby back-alleys stripping narks of their fledgling wealth, then graduating to thumbing through loose and stained copies of "create your own crime wave! Free with every smashed shop window", still managed to trip over the 25 year-old line without having their collar felt - to hard - or spending too many hours indoors.
Basically the government are showing how much they disapprove of such actions, and to ensure the "something for nothing" crowd don't get too big for their boots and ponder future riotous behaviour - when their existence really starts to turn screw-frighteningly shitty - will set ensure the legislation allows the beaks on high sufficient clout to deduct (or claw) £25 per week from the unwashed's income, as part of the coalition's "get tough on the bastards" approach to re-balancing the country's dire fiscal criminal-induced lot.
For example, if you fell in the £53.45p allowance bracket the new fines (from 2013) would ensure 47% of your weekly income could be clawed back by the government - sorry the courts - as a way of rubbing your evil vile and wicked nose in it, for daring to disrupt the livelihoods and enjoyment of those who are your betters; or 37% of your weekly if you fell into the "you really should know better" category!
As we know the reason touted for this near 50% potential tithe are the riots. However, i smell a rat. A rat which was obviously waiting to hatch under lubricious circumstances, the riots dutifully fashioned as a fait d'acomplise.. What does appear swamped by those who think "about time," are people on the other side of the equation actually saying "whoa, hold your horses there speedy. Do you really want to further impinge the destitute by slicing nearly half of their money without wondering why they took part anyway?" Can probably be counted on two slightly-splayed, overly large fingers.
This new sanction (a word which has apparently become the new dwp catch-phrase) holds a further sting, as it won't be held in reserve solely for those conducting or being part of riotous behaviour. Oh no, this could easily be any a situation; from falling behind in your credit card or mortgage payments (due to loss of work or reduction in salary), all the way to lobbing a brick through a window and walking down the road with a tv whilst being filmed on the national news, or viewed a few million times from someones mobile phone gatherer.
The day following that announcement, we learnt from the other side of the tracks that the top 100 ftse company directors racked up a 49% annual pay ri-. Wait a mo. 49% increase on one side, a 47% claw back on the other! It's the 48% parallel!
It was depressing listening to an advertising executive talking about the time, energy and risk he's put into keeping his multi-billion
company upright in the choppy waters of global trade, through recessions, good times and bad. And so, if anything, his 23% pay rise to £1.5mn was a slight. Indeed he sounded outraged, as though he had all right
to feel outraged at receiving such a pitiful sum. Which i suppose you would, if you compared your take-home to someone else, like say, sir phillip green or a saudi prince?
And what do our august leaders have to say about the 49% increase in boardroom pay, whilst seemingly agreeing with ids on swingeing cuts for those already on the bottom?
"Disturbing."
What?
The fact that boardroom pay (for those who believe they're worth it) has on average increased to £4.9mn, that their annual pay rise is nearly 50%, simply garners the term disturbing from our governing politicians; and only due to the glare of publicity that was temporarily sizzled upon them.
Before we get too carried away, do pity the poor ceo's who only received a 43% pay rise, on average.
Along with mr cameron, many of the front & back benchers form part of a happy flock. Seagulls happy to skewer each other (or anything viewed as weak) at the slightest twinge of an opportunity. And now the boot is firmly on the neck of the poor, what better way than to bring some of those wonderful ideas they've been mentally toying with for years, firmly into the limelight.
Timing, oh timing. It is odd that with less than 0.0002% of people claiming some sort of benefit involved in the riots and/or looting, that the governments use of a deep-sea pile-driving rig to combat the issue, is perplexedly worrisome.
In line with this, there's another pronouncement from the leader (david cameron pm) that if you're now unemployed for more than two years you'll be forced to do community service (leg shackles will naturally be provided, free of cost) for "at least six months, to get you out the house, to know what it feels like to work," and not just stare at that box you've no doubt nicked, all day!
What? Exactly what jobs are out there that the large intrusive hand of government (from the party that always bellows that governments to big, there's too much red tape) will force people to do, that won't be reminiscent of scenes from films involving chain-gangs?
So now they'll force people to do whatever bit of crap they can find them - and call it work - and they'll receive less than the minimum wage those in work receive. Yes, that really would make anyone feel very special. But then he has the temerity to continue saying "people will learn new skills they can apply in the workplace." Would this be new skills like learning how to bring banks and economies to the brink of bankruptcy? Perhaps they'll learn how to fiddle expenses? Instead why not assist or help them into decent training courses in the first place, before two wasted years have passed? Of course they wont. Doing that would imply the current setup is nothing more than the complete and utter statistical wasting exercise that it is.
The whole trope smacks of mendacious expediency aimed towards their cawing gallery of hawks, which will eventually end with the poorest getting it, at gunpoint.
So in future, remember! If you want to gleefully sack hundreds or thousands of people, cut their wages, outsource jobs to cheaper labour markets, destroy markets and even peoples pensions, ensure you're on the right side of the 48% club.
My cup of chilled coffee wobbled, ever so slightly.
* Patently this is ridiculously untrue - allegedly - and possibly wouldn't happen in this or any other timeline.
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