Monday 19 October 2020

In the name of Coxits*

Let's begin in the before years. When the dynamic duo of iron & gipper more or less declared society was dead. Long live the individual, and all he/she (it was a time before gender pronoun liberation) can plunder! Knowing that it would be their mates, and every dodgy second hand used bank salesman out there, who would go on to pocket quite a pretty penny/cent, or two!

Everything in the uk was for sale. The americans had a bit of pride and in those days a bit more sense, so ensured some things had to remain off the sales ledger and in the cubbyhole of national silver; but since most of the stuff wasn't public anyway, it really didn't make that much of a difference.

Fast forward a few decades, and in the sunny slowly morphing dystopian uplands of the uk, many of your favourite companies have being hoiked off to the highest bidders, in a process known by that reverential title of: under new management. For example, superdrug is owned by a.s. watson, who are part of ck hutchinson holdings, a chinese company. Boots did a dance, to be finally consumed by an american company and is now a part of the megcorp walgreens boots alliance which had 2019 revenue of $137 bn, with 2020 potentially being a very nice bumper crop for them - which makes more sense after looking at the prices in their online store. A company which of course loves the nhs - just ignore a subsidiary being one of the top five american health insurers providing lovely affordable healthcare, which is lovely. Now do remind me why so many americans wish they just didn't need to go bankrupt to live?

The nhs is underfunded, over-managed, and dying by hundreds of ideological cuts; becoming ripe for the plucking – seeding growing public anger, which once sufficiently massaged and perceived to be no longer behind the nhs, will allow them (those in power) to deliver the coup de grâce and finally allow the vultures to heartily tuck into the spoils.

Holland & Barrett, a health food chain (akin to the usa’s whole foods but way smaller -  especially as it’s now part of amazon), is owned by a russian billionaire who bought it from the american private equity firm the carlyle group. BA is spanish, most of the uk’s utilities and water firms have overseas owners. Trains are run by the french and germans. Chocolates are owned by american, or swiss companies, with a light sprinkling of a belgian company, or two nicely shaken into the mix. The technological marvel that was arm was allowed to be flogged off to japan's softbank group which would be the equivalent of america allowing intel, nvidia and amd to fall into overseas hands, without giving more than a shrug. Even the quintessential dyson vacuum cleaner is manufactured in malaysia and headquartered in singapore, whilst the allure of his singaporean penthouse must increase his need to visit sunnier climes; far away from the wash, or the unwashed, now they’ve served their purpose! Newspapers are owned by non-domiciled billionaires, so it’s no wonder they want a neutered bbc. And the conservatives want to hoike nuclear reactors off to the chinese, whilst our strongest weapons (nukes on subs) actually belong to the americans.

And most of the above was before brexit and covid struck. So with all that in mind, precisely which sovereign bit of the UK did those who voted leave, believe they were saving?

Now, where’s the covid file...

 

Take your pick: Cockup and Brexit. Covid and Brexit. Crapshoot and Brexit.

Wednesday 12 February 2020

In alternate reality 45823...

The dust from three years internecine warfare across the Channel has finally settled. Birds are haunting as the morning quiet of an exclusive Parisian neighbourhood, is rudely broken by a national anthem ringtone.


“Monsieur Président. C'est lui, de l'autre côté de la Manche, au téléphone!”


“Sacrebleu! Que veut l'idiot blond maintenant?”