Monday, 9 May 2011

The tides of spring

It has been a while, and i tried stuffing my head in a pillow, in a thames mud-bank, but all to no avail; everywhere i looked, nature was at it.

Rampantly going at it, hell for leather, hammer ‘n tongs, the precursor acts of next-generation off-spring production – and that’s just some of the residents!

Yes, i was once more loitering by the door and sipping on a spoonful of something which, at a distant juncture probably did resemble and taste like coffee, but now had more in keeping with old saloon bar floors (thank you red mountain clone), but definitely minding my own business – apart from cocking an ear to the wind for a passing bus crash, or low flying police chase ‘copter, or even for the tell-tale whine of hi-velocity gun shots, it’s that sort of town.

That wasn’t to be.  Instead my vision was spoilt by lacrymal bluetits perched on a branch within spitting distance, chirping and chirruping without any type of documentation, molesting one another there and then in full light of day without so much as a bird-box attempt at modesty!

It made me pine for a catapult, or even a small trebuchet.  Indeed, anything which would have put an end to such needless displays of sexual proliferation – the penalty of having a couple of light years distance and 180ยบ degree turnaround from my previous existence.

The bluetits on their own would have been bad enough.  But no, nature has to continue poking its rear-end in to my face, oblivious to the fact that i’m gouging my eyes out whilst screaming “bugger off!”

The bluetits are soon followed by pigeons who are coo-ing, billing and mounting each other like the apocalypse is just around the corner – due to a bill about to become law stating that all rubbish must be bagged, covered, and disposed of upon penalty of, or else.  Even the neighbours cat has started licking my fingers whenever I bend down to stroke it, then poking it’s bottom in to the air, purring and happily growling.  Then when I walk away, it digs it’s claws in to me as if to say, “where do you think your going? You haven’t even started yet!”

So yes spring is well and truly in the air, the saps rising and bouts of humping merry making will continue in earnest.  After all, lots of people are going to be very very busy getting the population up to and past that 10bn mark.

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