Monday, 27 October 2008

End of year thoughts, part I

This might be a bit premature, with just over two months to go before the end of the western worlds end of year celebrations.  But with this year been such a roller coaster tsunami of epic proportions; I might as well start early, as by the end of the year there'll be so much to go through, all of this will be past its smell by date and to coin an overheard term well footed in its grave.

So here's a pre-emptive look-back boot at 2008 and early glimpse of 2009, in easy digestible bite sized instalments.

  1. Greed good universal altruism bad, according to a newly unearthed bankers bible found in the wreckage of a discarded filling cabinet atop the newly discovered office waste mountain.
  2. Our god is god.  There is no other god, and we'll kill any [put expletive group name of non-believers here] who say otherwise.
  3. New breakthrough in human cetacean communication means humanity, for the first time, is able to communicate on a like by like basis with dolphins.
  4. The HIV virus could have been around for 100 years.
  5. Pro-lifers call for the branding and salting of abortionists.  Always forgetting that nature/god is the biggest killer of the unborn via miscarriages, diseases etc., although if they miscarried that's obviously the work of [put name of any evil entity here])
  6. Gays are an abomination and blight on the planet.  UN supremo tells the world, 'the way the global population and resources are going we probably need more of them not less of them!'.
  7. South Africa lost a president and loony health minister.  Sadly, the replacement president is hours away from splitting the party and plunging the country into chaos.
  8. And continuing on in that part of the world.  Huggable mugabe looked as if he was back to his old tricks, but an unforeseen end of year heart-attack finishes him off, leaving his party in disarray, demoralised and without a heart.
  9. Surfers in californa say they'll strike if dolphins are given entry to the next mavericks annual surfing competition, citing unfair competition.
  10. The northern hemisphere's gripped in another calamity, as temperatures plummet, and already scandalous energy prices really go through the roof - pensioners take the streets but have to picked out of meter sized snow drifts by the newly formed homefront brigade.
  11. Bright lights of unknown origin in the night skies cause rioting in many parts of the world.  Religionists say it's the end of days and a sign of the apocalypse.  Secularists say, it's obviously little green/red/blue men and they're here to welcome us into galactic civilisation.  Cats look up, then get back to the important task of licking their bottoms.
  12. Just in.  Taleban have retaken most of afghanistan, give inhabitants of Kabul seven days to surrender; puts newly elected us president to the test.
  13. UK government has a day of mourning for the millions of dead pensioners.  Commissions a £15m commemorative statue for whitehall.
  14. Inline with the continuing brown legacy of hiving off good bits of the economy to the highest bidder, it's confirmed that great britain shall from 2020 be re-branded little china (gb division).
  15. In relation to the previous entry, it's also been announced that everywhere inbetween offa's dyke and the irish sea, or wi's dip, will be called new-kong-a-leeky; whilst everything north of hadrians wall [or the little wall of china] will be designated, a parking lot.  Haggisnest soup is the new spicy delicacy in upmarket chinese restaurants.

Who knows, with all that's happened so far they would all fit in perfectly.

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