In alternate reality 45823….

The Pots woke terrified and heavily sweating, and begins recalling his vivid dream. He was laying naked amongst a bunch of nukes; rubbing his parts over their very large, very big, smooth and metallic exteriors. He remembers being exultant hearing them “ooooo”, and “ahhhh”, calling out his name at his every touch and each of his gyrations -he’d never experienced that before- he was finally doing what he wanted, and getting to play with his nukes! In the next instant he is speeding with them to China, Russia, and North Korea, all at the same time. The next, he watches as billions of bodies ignite and burn to ash, before being ripped asunder by a ferocious gale. He shudders, still remembering, as the sweat drips from his third chin.

Hours after the latest nuclear summit between: North Korea, China, Russia and the USA, President Trump, normally referred to as Pots (President Of the Thin Skins), flushed the toilet after a 3am text dump. Headed down for his early morning briefing, and helped himself to the generously proportioned breakfast happy-meals.

“Oo, oo. When I was on my fifth happy meal at the Nuclear Summit, I heard President Kime say to President Vlade that he’d fix the whole ecological thing, real good.”
“Fix, Mr President?”
“Yep, fix. I liked the sound of that. Which is why I have my ecological big-boy pants on, ready for our next meeting.”
“I see Mr President.”
“Has Miss beautiful Peach Lady called?”
“Who, Sir?”
“The one with an even more voluptuous rear than me. The one going out with that singing butler. It’s surprising he’s still a butler, he talks as much sense as i do.”
“You mean Kanye, Sir?”
“Yes, my best friend Kimye.”
“And, Kim Kar-”
“Yes Kime two. She's very cool. All the best people are called Kime.  What’s your name?”
“It's still Bruce, Sir.”
“Good.”
“Er, we were talking about the ecology Sir?”
“Yes, Kime the fourth, you’re right. We were. Now, what did he... Ah yes. President Kime said they’d be sending lots of things over, to help us out with our ecologicals, but that I shouldn’t worry. They’ll create the biggest and brightest shield; a really really big shield, full of the best little floating particles, that will blot out the sun for weeks...”
“Er, Sir?”
“And help bring down the temps. Ah. Kime the fourth, where are the temps on this briefcase? I can’t see them anywhere.”